Tim Tebowisms

When the bogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks the closet and under his bed for Tim Tebow. When Tim Tebow goes to sleep he check for Chuck Norris.

The active ingredient in Red Bull is Tim Tebow's sweat. The makers of Red Bull however will never again put Chuck Norris' sweat in a Red Bull, the result was Tim Tebow.

You don't hit Tim Tebow, Tim Tebow hits you!

The NFL renamed the 2 minute warning, "Tebow Time"

Tim Tebow’s number is 15 because that’s how many players it takes to tackle him.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Tim Tebow's forearm.

They once asked Ray Lewis if he'd like to run full speed at Tim Tebow, and he said "No".

SuperMan wears Tim Tebow Pajamas. So does Lou Holtz.

Tim Tebow doesn't have an offseason. The NFL has an offseason from Tim Tebow.

Tim Tebow gets called for roughing the tackler.

When Tebow spikes the ball, he strikes oil.

"Santa Claus used to wonder if Tim Tebow was real."

Tim Tebow was once told his urine tested positive for steriods. Tim Tebow responded with a laugh and said "Where do you think steroids come from?"

When Tim Tebow touches water it turns into Gatorade.

The NFL is not challenging enough, thats why Tim Tebow waits until the end of the 4th quarter to start playing.

You can lead a horse to water, but Tim Tebow can make him drink.

Tim Tebow doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Sheep count Tim Tebow touchdowns when they sleep.

Tim Tebow can win American Idol with sign language.

Tim Tebow can get breakfast at McDonald's after 10:30 A.M. Tim Tebow ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Siri doesn't work on Tim Tebow's iPhone 4S, because NOBODY talks back to Tim Tebow.

Tim Tebow can get Chick-Fil-A on Sundays.

Tim Tebow won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards. However Chuck Norris did it first.

Scientists agree, the Big Bang was actually a Tim Tebow and Chuck Norris arm wrestling. Chuck Norris won.

Tim Tebow joined the NHL. But shortly after quit after he found out the NHL only has 3 periods in a game.

People with amnesia still remember Chuck Norris and Tim Tebow, and in that exact order.

Tim Tebow's family once threw him a surprise party, only he wasn’t surprised. Chuck Norris already told him even though no one told Chuck Norris.

Once, Tim Tebow hits blackjack with just one card.

The only reason you're still conscious is because Tim Tebow hasn't stiff-armed you in the face.

When Tim Tebow was a kid, he made his mom finish his vegetables.

OT no longer means "Over Time". It's now known as "Only Tebow". Cause he's what you need when you get there.

Superman's only weakness is kryptonite. Tim Tebow’s weakness is Chuck Norris, only Chuck Norris does not have a weakness.

Tim Tebow doesn't do pushups. Instead, he pushes the earth down.

Time waits for no man, unless that man is Tim Tebow.

Cars look both ways just in case Tim Tebow is crossing the street.

There are no endagered species. There is just a list of animals that Tim Tebow doesn't like.

Referees created instant replay so they could admire Tim Tebow more than once.

Tim Tebow doesn't read defences. He stares them down until they form a path to the end zone.

When life gives Tim Tebow lemons, he uses them to kill terrorists. Tim Tebow hates lemonade. After the terrorist incident, Life doesn't dare give Tim Tebow lemons anymore. Life now asks him which fruit he wants. When questioned afterwards, Life said, “I should have known with Chuck Norris’ protégé. When I tried to give Chuck Norris lemons, I found I never had any in the first place!”

When Google can't find something, it asks Tim Tebow for help but when Tim Tebow needs help he asks Chuck Norris. Google is afraid of Chuck Norris.

What color is Tim Tebow's blood? Trick question. No one knows, only Chuck Norris can make Tim Tebow bleed. Chuck Norris has no intention hurting his protégé.

Tim Tebow has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.

Tim Tebow once stiff-armed a horse. That animal became what is now known as the giraffe.

Rome wasn't built in a day, but if Tebow were alive then, it would have only taken the 4th quarter.

Tim Tebow is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Tim Tebow didn't lose his helmet, it ran away.

Waldo only used to have one reason to hid: Chuck Norris. Tim Tebow gave Waldo a second reason to hide.

Tim Tebow gives Redbull wings.

When Tim Tebow wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.

When taking the SAT, write "Tim Tebow" for every answer. You will score more than 1600. Write “Chuck Norris” for every answer, you will get invited to the very best universities you can imagine.

Tim Tebow can dribble a football. In a game against the Chargers Tim didn’t spin. Tebow stood still and the world revolved around him.

When Tim Tebow gives you the peace sign, it is not a peace offering, it's the number of seconds you have to run.

Tim Tebow was once asked to repeat himself. The last thing that person ever heard was the whooshing sound of a stiff-arm.

Tim Tebow can kick start a car.

Tim Tebow does not believe in evolution that is why he has refused to learn to pass.

When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Tim Tebow signal. As one might suspect whenever Tim Tebow find himself in trouble, he turns on the Chuck Norris signal.

Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia; fear of Tim Tebow is called Logic.

The Blarney Stone traveled to Denver to kiss Tim Tebow.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Tim Tebow jumps out. If you were able to open Tim Tebow, Chuck Norris' third fist (from behind his beard) jumps out!

Tebow doesn’t want to bementioned alongside Archie Griffin, so he ordered the Heisman voters not to give him a second trophy.

Tim Tebow doesn't get drunk. He gets awesome.

When Tebow runs the option, his only choice is victory.

Tim Tebow can touch MC Hammer In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Tim Tebow.

Geico saved money on its car insurance by switching to Tim Tebow.

Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Tim Tebow stories. Tim Tebow sits around the campfire telling Chuck Norris stories to ghosts who pass out from fear.

The T in Mr. T stands for Trained by Tebow.

There used to be a street in Gainesville named after Tim Tebow, but it was changed because nobody crosses Tim Tebow and lives.

They say a picture is worth 1,000 words. A picture of Tim Tebow is worth 10 billion words. A picture of Chuck Norris is... well you get the picture ;)

When Tim Tebow makes an offer, even Don Vito Corleone can't refuse.

Helen Keller can see and hear Tim Tebow but she dreams only of Chuck Norris.

Tim Tebow doesnt feel pain, pain feels Tim Tebow.

Tim Tebow is what Willis was talking about.

The Loch Ness Monster swears it saw Tim Tebow.

Tebow has a grizzly bear rug in his room. It's not dead, it's just to scared to move.

Tim Tebow doesn’t lift weights, he just tells them to get off the floor.

Tim Tebow can judge a book by it's cover. He can also summarize it and tell you the author's favorite color.

Michael Jordan buys Tim Tebow's shoes. No one in the world but Tim Tebow wears Chuck Norris shoes, other than Chuck Norris.

You can't handle the truth, but Tim Tebow can.

Tim Tebow challenged FC Barcelona to a game of soccer. FC Barcelona declined in fear.

Tim Tebow doesnt need luck. Luck needs Tim Tebow.

Tebow doesn’t cheat death, he beats it fair and square.

McDonalds brought the Mcrib back at Tim Tebow’s request.

Death once had a near-Tebow experience.

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Tim Tebow rush.

The Ghostbusters call Tim Tebow.

Tim Tebow and Chuck Norris once had a talk. Chuck Norris walked away proud of his student.

Tim Tebow can blink faster than a blink of an eye.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Tim Tebow allows to live.

If you spell Tim Tebow wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Tim Tebow?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."

Tim Tebow doesn't run down the field, the field moves under Tim Tebow.

The square root of Tim Tebow is a stiff arm to the face.

The grass is always greener on Tim Tebow's sideline.

One time Tim Tebow threw a football up into the air as hard as he possibly could, that football today is known as the Halley's Comet.

Tim Tebow once saved David Hasselhoff from drowning.

The Rock can't even smell what Tebow's cooking!

The American Dream wants to be Tim Tebow!

The Mayan calendar had Tim Tebow's birth date carved in stone, naturally of course underneath Chuck Norris’ name and birth.

Tim Tebow's calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd because no one fools Tim Tebow.

When Tim Tebow falls in the water he doesnt get wet, the water gets Tebowed.

Friends don't let friends hate Tim Tebow.

Tebowisms are funny because they are true.

Lord Voldemort tried and failed to kill Harry Potter. He didn't even attempt to mess with with Tim Tebow.

When Tim Tebow pours milk on his Rice Krispies... They keep quiet.

When Tim Tebow gets pulled over he lets the cop off with a warning.

The Denver Broncos dont fly home on a plane, they fly home on Tim Tebows back.

Tim Tebow makes Taco Bell "run for the border."

All superheroes read Tim Tebow comic books. Tim Tebow reads Chuck Norris comics.

9-1-1 has Tim Tebow listed as their emergency contact.

There are no losers in the NFL, only people who have played against Tim Tebow.

John Elway can throw a football 80 yards. Tim Tebow can throw John Elway farther.

When Tim Tebow does his taxes he claims the whole world as dependents. Chuck Norris has only one dependent: Tim Tebow.

Tim Tebow thought his local Starbucks was too high-class, so he threw a football so hard at it that it turned into a Dunkin Donuts.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Tim Tebow lives in Florida.

Tim Tebow once pee'd in the gas tank of a semi truck as a joke... That semi truck is now Optimus Prime!

Tim Tebow Short Jokes

Q: What's the difference between Tim Tebow and Lebron James?
A: Tim Tebow comes alive in the 4th quarter!

Q: What do get when you cross a python with Tebow? A: Chuck Norris.

Q: Do you know what AT&T stands for?
A: "Another Tebow Touchdown."

Q: What's the only reason to watch a Denver Broncos game?
A: Because Tim Tebow is playing and you think Chuck Norris might intervene!

Q: Did you know that Tim Tebow had a role in Star Wars?
A: He was the force.

Q: Why is Disneyland rebranding itself?
A: Tim Tebow has made Denver the happiest place on Earth.

Q: What came first, the chicken or the egg?
A: Neither... First came Chuck Norris and then Tim Tebow!

Q: How did Tim Tebow accidentally help the Broncos beat the Chicago Bears?
A: The wind from Tim Tebow sneezing caused Matt Praters kick to go an extra 10 yards.

Q: What's the formula for the perfect athlete?
A: Add 3 quarters of Lebron with 1 quarter of Tebow.

Q: What did Barack Obama say after seeing Tebow throw for 316 yards in his first playoff game? A: Thank God I'm not running against Tim Tebow in 2012.

Q: What did the Trix Rabbit say to Roger Goodell? A: Silly NFL... It's not Overtime, it's TebowTime!

Q: What's the fastest way to end a playoff overtime game? A: Let Tim Tebow return the kickoff